At two and half I can hardly imagine what it must be like to be the center of the Universe, to have your every move and word, ooohed and ahhhhed over, then to wake up one morning and your life as you knew it....over! Instead now taking your spotlight is this new little person being carried and loved, being fed with parts of Mommy that once belonged to you. I imagine that it's a pretty traumatic experience. Now understanding the psychology behind the trauma does not make me tolerant of the behaviour associated with the trauma, I try, but I am weak.
Ethan is now almost 9 months old and while I thought that for Skylar the new-ness of it all would have worn off and she would be settling into her role as big sister and by now would be used to the shared attention, this is not the case. In fact it gets worse with time instead of better. She looks at him with so much disdain at times, she whines for my attention, imitates his cries when I respond to them. She pushes him off my lap and squirms her way between us. My little girl, nobody can replace her, I wish she knew how much I loved her, how beautiful I think she is and how when she takes my face in her little (sometimes sticky) hands and looks me square in the eye and says "I love you Mommy", how that makes my heart leap and my Mommy love explode. I wish she knew that every second of the day that I am trapped in my cubicle willing away time, I am thinking about her and her brother, what they are doing, what fun thing I am missing out on. I suppose you just can't tell a two year old those emotions and expect them to understand.
The other day Ethan was sitting playing with his toys and he fell over backwards and slammed his head into the floor, cries rang out, I ran out to pick him up and rub his head and love him. Skylar, who was playing quietly, watched the whole thing go down and drank it all in. PING...a light-bulb went off in her little head. She walked over to the exact same offending spot, slammed her head into the ground and proceeded to cry. Kids are smart, smarter than we can ever be. I think with age we get dummer, because kids, they know how to manipulate, they know how to do things and get away with just about most of it. Smart!!! They are here to test us.
Skylar has been telling me a lot about monsters lately, that the monster will bite me, monsters on the aeroplane (as if flying doesn't terrify me enough), I have no idea where the monsters are coming from, but I do know this. She herself is a little green monster called Jealousy right now! She is my little green monster, my little monster trying to hold her own and keep her spot as the most oohed and ahhed of the siblings!
I love these little people.
