As a child growing up in South Africa all I ever knew was what was around me. I watched how other Mothers (including my own) mothered their kids, I tried to take it all in and get all the tips I could for one day when I would have bambinos of my own. The problem is this, that was there, and now I am here. So, often times I find myself immersed in a culture of Moms who do things so completely differently than I am used to. Not bad different...just different different. Know what I mean? Or am I sounding a little crazy right now?
It's hard to explain this day to day confusion that I experience. I grew up in a simple way, on a farm, barefoot, chasing chickens, with no running hot water and an out-house for a loo (toilet) for the first part of my life and in a small (horribly small) town for the rest. There are so many times I wonder if my way of parenting my kids is the right way, or the wrong way or the OH MY GOD way. I think some of my confusion is caused by the parenting culture shock that I run into. I remember as a kid, and I don't remember a lot, but I do remember childhood being simple, nothing fancy, just plain dirty old fashioned fun. Being a kid now seems so complicated. I worry that I'm not equipped to deal with it, I worry that I don't know enough to identify the needs of my kids in this cultural context. I worry that since I can't identify them that I pass that onto them and leave them feeling on the outside too. It's very confusing. I try very hard, trust me, but there are times I just don't get it and other times that I just point-blank refuse to do it a certain way.
It's a toughie! Life is complex isn't it? And besides, I needed something to worry about today, so here I am…worried that I suck as a Mother in the culture I choose to live.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Birthday Party...Round Two!
So yes, birthday fever is back and once again I find myself in the throws of party planning. Only this time it's for 14 kids and all their parents. (I say this as I am hyper-ventilating into a brown paper bag with one hand and wiping the sweat from my brow with the other.) Yes, I know, I am not one for big parties that are over-the-top usually, but this one, well it's not over the top it's just a lot of kids. We will be having Skylar's third birthday party at Pump It Up on Friday. It's a large indoor inflatable party place. I think. I've never been, only heard what a blast it is. The bonus is, all the parents get to play too, for free! So the venue itself is taken care of, I have no worries about set up or clean up which is great, but what has me sweating and breathing like I'm in labor is feeding everyone. I'm making Skylar a ladybug cake for her birthday but since I have so many people to feed I'm thinking now I need to make two since I cannot find a 14'round cake pan to make one giant ladybug. I have cut-out cookies to make and two cakes. It doesn't sound that daunting, but really it is. I also have the little boxes that I'm putting together to send home with the kids. I got plain white boxes that Skylar painted and then I'm going to fill them with some candy and attach a note saying "thanks for coming". It's simple enough, but it all takes time.
Why do I do this to myself you might ask? Well the answer is simple. I thrive on it, without stress I am nothing. Without taking on more than I can chew most the time, I would be bored and unchallenged. It's the thrill of crunch time, and then looking back and thinking, phew...am I super woman or what? It's not the end result but the process that thrills me. It's sad...but true! I love to be busy and I love to be creative and if I can be busy being creative I'm in my element. Now, I don't doubt I'll cry, I'll be in a bad mood for a while, I'll feel completely overwhelmed, I'll get little sleep, I'll fight with Hub and who knows I may not even be able to pull off the perfect cake, but in the end it will all be worth it.
My little girl is turning three and she is going to celebrate with all her friends. It’s going to be so much fun I can’t wait.
Why do I do this to myself you might ask? Well the answer is simple. I thrive on it, without stress I am nothing. Without taking on more than I can chew most the time, I would be bored and unchallenged. It's the thrill of crunch time, and then looking back and thinking, phew...am I super woman or what? It's not the end result but the process that thrills me. It's sad...but true! I love to be busy and I love to be creative and if I can be busy being creative I'm in my element. Now, I don't doubt I'll cry, I'll be in a bad mood for a while, I'll feel completely overwhelmed, I'll get little sleep, I'll fight with Hub and who knows I may not even be able to pull off the perfect cake, but in the end it will all be worth it.
My little girl is turning three and she is going to celebrate with all her friends. It’s going to be so much fun I can’t wait.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Go Green
Okay so I know that the theme of everyday living is to "Go Green". I get it. I do my part and like to think that I am environmentally aware. But here is something I ran across this weekend that just killed me.
Yesterday at the grocery store, I see a woman wearing a shirt that says "Go global buy local" or something to that effect. She is also toting her own environmentally friendly carry bags to put her (no doubt) organic purchases into. So here I am thinking, wow, a person who goes the distance...good for her. *golf clap* I even feel a surge of guilt for still using the plastic bags to cart my groceries home in. Which by the way, holy smokes are things expensive! Moving right along though...
As we leave the store, she follows shortly behind. I almost expect her to jump on her bicycle and ride her hippie-self home. Well what follows is what grates me to my core. She gets in her car and lights a cigarette, toddler seat in the back of the car, diapers and organics in the trunk. Okay, so let me rewind a minute...gets in the car and lights a cigarette...is it just me or does her holier-than-thou-I-save-the-world-with-my-organic-food-and-recyled-material-bags glow just go right in the shitter? It's just me isn't it?
Anyhoo, the soap box is here and on it I shall stand. So with that said, are you freaking kidding me? Save the world but kill yourself and your kid with your cigarette smoke. Am I missing something?
Yesterday at the grocery store, I see a woman wearing a shirt that says "Go global buy local" or something to that effect. She is also toting her own environmentally friendly carry bags to put her (no doubt) organic purchases into. So here I am thinking, wow, a person who goes the distance...good for her. *golf clap* I even feel a surge of guilt for still using the plastic bags to cart my groceries home in. Which by the way, holy smokes are things expensive! Moving right along though...
As we leave the store, she follows shortly behind. I almost expect her to jump on her bicycle and ride her hippie-self home. Well what follows is what grates me to my core. She gets in her car and lights a cigarette, toddler seat in the back of the car, diapers and organics in the trunk. Okay, so let me rewind a minute...gets in the car and lights a cigarette...is it just me or does her holier-than-thou-I-save-the-world-with-my-organic-food-and-recyled-material-bags glow just go right in the shitter? It's just me isn't it?
Anyhoo, the soap box is here and on it I shall stand. So with that said, are you freaking kidding me? Save the world but kill yourself and your kid with your cigarette smoke. Am I missing something?
Monday, June 9, 2008
Are you Serious?
Seems like everyday Skylar will say something new, in a bigger sentence, with a better understanding of how and when to use certain words. Here are a few examples:
At the table eating dinner: Brian "Skylar you need to eat your food". Skylar (with a look that could stop a truck) "Are you serious?"
Also at the table eating dinner: Skylar "I like this Mommy, it's delicious!"
Somtimes it's hard to imagine such grown up things coming from such a pint sized little person. Cracks me up and makes me laugh so hard, of course I have to be discreet about it if I’m reprimanding her for saying what she just said.
So onto something that completely eats me alive when I see it, the child harness, i.e. LEASH! At the baseball game on Saturday there was a child who was probably about 3 or 4'ish being walked around by his, oh say 6 or 7'ish, year old brother. The younger one on a leash. Okay so the one child walks the other child around...and where might I ask are the parents. Oh yeah, that's right, in the stands drinking beer while Peter takes care of Paul by walking him around the stadium on a dog leash. I don't understand the "harness", I say this time and time again and once in a while I have someone who thinks they aren't a bad idea and they back their argument up with, "well it's better than letting your kids run off and get lost". To those people I have this to say: Firstly, try discipline, it works wonders. Secondly, explain to your child that running off isn't something they should be doing, if your kid is that out of control in a public area then perhaps for his safety you are better off leaving him home with a babysitter. Thirdly, if you can hold a leash, can you maybe hold his hand? I don't get it, HOLD THE CHILDS HAND people. It's a simple old fashioned way of keeping your kids at your side. Geesh!!!
And I'm still not done...well I'm done bitching about parents who leash their kids like dogs, but I'm not done bitching! Back to the ballgame. Ethan was getting cranky in our cramped seats so I decided to take a walk with Ethan, Skylar and my friend over to the playground area so the kids could play for a bit. I propped Ethan up on the bars and let him walk around holding onto the bars while I watched him and then Skylar was on the slides and such under the watchful eye of Stephanie. Ethan fell over trying to make the switch from the one set of bars to the next and banged his head, so I picked him up and went over to watch Skylar on the slide. You have to bear in mind that there are a huge amount of kids playing in this one area and really it's all about taking turns. Well there are kids up there literally elbowing other kids out of the way and pushing their way to the front of the line. Again...HELLO...where are the parents to make these kids stand in line and wait their turn? One kid pushed Skylar and I was ready to run up there and personally kick his ass. I know, I know, it's a little unusual to feel so angry toward a 4 year old but nobody, but nobody puts my baby in the corner.
Sorry about the cheesy Dirty dancing reference, I had to!
And again, not done yet. So I was at the park riding Skylar around on my bike and there are about 5 boys playing right on the pathway, as I'm coming up on them I start yelling "watch out watch out" so they don't run in front of me and kill all of us. As I get by them, the one kid starts mocking me "watch out watch out". So since I'm a grown up and I need to behave accordingly, I yell back "do you want me to come back and run you over?" Again...I know it's a little harsh, but yikes, where are parents in public situations? Are they not watching their kids, do they not teach their kids simple things. Perhaps they could leash their kids so they don’t run out in front of the bikers, now there is an idea! And what kind of a parent does it take to raise a child who has the nerve to mock another adult? I know that sometimes kids turn out the way they do in spite of the parents efforts, but from one weekend I've come to the conclusion that while this may be true at times, it's more often than not that kids end up the way the do because parents are oblivious, they pay no attention and really don't show their kids the right way to behave.
I'm not claiming to be perfect in any way, but I do know that I pay plenty of attention to my children and I raise them to be respectful of themselves and other people. That's all it takes to make the world a better place, just a little respect.
At the table eating dinner: Brian "Skylar you need to eat your food". Skylar (with a look that could stop a truck) "Are you serious?"
Also at the table eating dinner: Skylar "I like this Mommy, it's delicious!"
Somtimes it's hard to imagine such grown up things coming from such a pint sized little person. Cracks me up and makes me laugh so hard, of course I have to be discreet about it if I’m reprimanding her for saying what she just said.
So onto something that completely eats me alive when I see it, the child harness, i.e. LEASH! At the baseball game on Saturday there was a child who was probably about 3 or 4'ish being walked around by his, oh say 6 or 7'ish, year old brother. The younger one on a leash. Okay so the one child walks the other child around...and where might I ask are the parents. Oh yeah, that's right, in the stands drinking beer while Peter takes care of Paul by walking him around the stadium on a dog leash. I don't understand the "harness", I say this time and time again and once in a while I have someone who thinks they aren't a bad idea and they back their argument up with, "well it's better than letting your kids run off and get lost". To those people I have this to say: Firstly, try discipline, it works wonders. Secondly, explain to your child that running off isn't something they should be doing, if your kid is that out of control in a public area then perhaps for his safety you are better off leaving him home with a babysitter. Thirdly, if you can hold a leash, can you maybe hold his hand? I don't get it, HOLD THE CHILDS HAND people. It's a simple old fashioned way of keeping your kids at your side. Geesh!!!
And I'm still not done...well I'm done bitching about parents who leash their kids like dogs, but I'm not done bitching! Back to the ballgame. Ethan was getting cranky in our cramped seats so I decided to take a walk with Ethan, Skylar and my friend over to the playground area so the kids could play for a bit. I propped Ethan up on the bars and let him walk around holding onto the bars while I watched him and then Skylar was on the slides and such under the watchful eye of Stephanie. Ethan fell over trying to make the switch from the one set of bars to the next and banged his head, so I picked him up and went over to watch Skylar on the slide. You have to bear in mind that there are a huge amount of kids playing in this one area and really it's all about taking turns. Well there are kids up there literally elbowing other kids out of the way and pushing their way to the front of the line. Again...HELLO...where are the parents to make these kids stand in line and wait their turn? One kid pushed Skylar and I was ready to run up there and personally kick his ass. I know, I know, it's a little unusual to feel so angry toward a 4 year old but nobody, but nobody puts my baby in the corner.
Sorry about the cheesy Dirty dancing reference, I had to!
And again, not done yet. So I was at the park riding Skylar around on my bike and there are about 5 boys playing right on the pathway, as I'm coming up on them I start yelling "watch out watch out" so they don't run in front of me and kill all of us. As I get by them, the one kid starts mocking me "watch out watch out". So since I'm a grown up and I need to behave accordingly, I yell back "do you want me to come back and run you over?" Again...I know it's a little harsh, but yikes, where are parents in public situations? Are they not watching their kids, do they not teach their kids simple things. Perhaps they could leash their kids so they don’t run out in front of the bikers, now there is an idea! And what kind of a parent does it take to raise a child who has the nerve to mock another adult? I know that sometimes kids turn out the way they do in spite of the parents efforts, but from one weekend I've come to the conclusion that while this may be true at times, it's more often than not that kids end up the way the do because parents are oblivious, they pay no attention and really don't show their kids the right way to behave.
I'm not claiming to be perfect in any way, but I do know that I pay plenty of attention to my children and I raise them to be respectful of themselves and other people. That's all it takes to make the world a better place, just a little respect.
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