Well last week I signed off my blog with a little thing about how blessed I am and how grateful I am for everything, and this week I want to start my blog by reiterating how blessed I really do feel.
A week ago today we were at a restaurant for dinner with friends and we were seated at a booth. I was standing up right next to the edge holding Ethan and the hub was one person deep in the seating arrangement. All of a sudden out of nowhere I hear a thump and I turn around to see Skylar laying face down on the hard concrete floor. I handed Ethan off and stood her up to look at her, she seemed to sway ever so slightly. At this point I panicked and picked her up and ran outside where I sat and held her and asked her questions to find out if she was disorientated or not. She was shook up but otherwise answered all my questions just fine. She of course was crying so hard, partly I believe because she got a huge fright.
We left and got home 15 minutes after the fall, walked into the kitchen and she suddenly started to throw up all over the place. She threw up five or six times and then I noticed she was still gagging but nothing was coming. OMG, she was choking. I did the Heimlich, nothing, I smacked her on the back some more, nothing again. At this point she started to turn blue, I screamed to hub to call 911. I laid her out on our patio and then, well truly I don't recall the exact process too well, but she went from blue to the blue white, her eyes rolled back in her head, her jaw was tight and she stopped breathing. I put my mouth over hers and sucked as hard as I could to try and dislodge (what turned out to be pizza dough) what was in her throat. I managed somehow to get it out, and when I did, I continued CPR and mouth-to-mouth and all of a sudden, she was back, crying. I was so cold and so desperate in those moments. My little girl, my little baby girl, lifeless and limp! My world has never seemed to stand still and move so fast all at the same exact time. I was terrified out of my mind. I had her breathing and okay by the time the paramedics and fire dept and police arrived. I tried to stand up and my legs were so weak, I could barely move a limb. Shock really set in at that point. Just writing this makes my terrified all over again, remembering her face, her colour. I cannot imagine what life would have been had this gone the other way. So today, and everyday, I am so blessed for these lives that are a part of mine, for these beautiful babies who are mine to love and to cherish. Skylar was taken to the ER in the ambulance and was checked out, she had no concussion, and was just fine. She is my little angel, I don't want to have to think about breathing without her. Phew! Heavy stuff...but truly, what an amazing end to a horrible, horrible moment in our lives.
I believe Ethan is finally communicating with me. When asked if he wants this, or that, he nods and says something that vaguely resembles "yeah" or "no" and shakes his head. "Ethan you want squash?" "No" (shake shake)..."do you want pudding?" "Yeah" (nod nod. Could this boy get any cuter?? Still no walking but he's working up to it. Cruising around that furniture like it aint no thang.
Today is Friday, oh thank the heavens. I hope it's a weekend full of fun things to do, things other than the laundry and the dishes and the blah blah blah cleaning stuff. Ahh Summer...you gotta love those warm days, ice cream and the sun-kissed cheeks to kiss goodnight.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Summer Joys
Ahh, sweet, glorious, happy Friday! The weekend is upon us and what makes it even sweeter, is not the Paula Deen super-sweet butter cake pieces I just gobbled down, but the fact that it's a long weekend. Whoot Whoot. Yes folks a nice long, beautiful weekend.
So my first phone call of the day: Gentleman: "Hi Leigh, Happy Friday!" Me: "Thanks, you too", after some more back and forth conversation, Me: "so do you have access to your email today?" Gentleman: "Yes I might but right now I'm at the beach" (kids screaming Daddy Daddy in the background). Me: "Did you have to rub it in?" Gentleman: "Ha ha ha". Okay, so no seriously...did you have to rub it in? I'm here holed up in my cubicle conducting business with him while he is on the beach playing with his kids. *SIGH*
So snuggle time in Skylars bed is interesting these days. She recalls her day and tells me stories about the kids and what they did and who bit who and what not. It's enlightening. I'm sure some of the stories are embellished a little, but hey, it's okay. Makes for a good story, it's like my bedtime story.
Ethan, bless his little heart, is sleeping so much better at night, for long stretches at a time. He even stays in his crib till about 5am some mornings. I love it, although it hasn't made me feel less tired. So with that said I will continue my gripe of exhaustion and woe-is-me'ness.
Life is good. I am so grateful for my family, my home, my life. With watching so much horror unfold on CNN over the past month it really is something to look around and say, you know what, I'm blessed.
So my first phone call of the day: Gentleman: "Hi Leigh, Happy Friday!" Me: "Thanks, you too", after some more back and forth conversation, Me: "so do you have access to your email today?" Gentleman: "Yes I might but right now I'm at the beach" (kids screaming Daddy Daddy in the background). Me: "Did you have to rub it in?" Gentleman: "Ha ha ha". Okay, so no seriously...did you have to rub it in? I'm here holed up in my cubicle conducting business with him while he is on the beach playing with his kids. *SIGH*
So snuggle time in Skylars bed is interesting these days. She recalls her day and tells me stories about the kids and what they did and who bit who and what not. It's enlightening. I'm sure some of the stories are embellished a little, but hey, it's okay. Makes for a good story, it's like my bedtime story.
Ethan, bless his little heart, is sleeping so much better at night, for long stretches at a time. He even stays in his crib till about 5am some mornings. I love it, although it hasn't made me feel less tired. So with that said I will continue my gripe of exhaustion and woe-is-me'ness.
Life is good. I am so grateful for my family, my home, my life. With watching so much horror unfold on CNN over the past month it really is something to look around and say, you know what, I'm blessed.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Screw Ironman...what about Iron Mom?
3:30pm: Yesterday, the work day is done and I head out to collect the kids.
4:00pm: I pick my munchkins up from daycare and we head home.
4:15pm: I start making dinner, a homemade, from scratch, crust and all (okay, okay so I cheated on the crust and bought pre-made pastry, so what??) chicken pot-pie. Skylar has her chair pulled up to the counter and she is helping me put stuff into things. Ethan is trying to chew on some celery, hmmm...yummy huh Buddy? Dogs are at my feet like vultures waiting for morsels to drop.
4:30pm: Dinner is making nice progress on the stove, kids are playing, Ethan with his cars on the floor, Skylar is painting. I bought her some new paintbrushes while I was out at the store yesterday and without thinking I announce when we are home "Look what Mommy got you today!" Of course she is going to want to paint, DUH! So yes, she was painting and making a huge mess, Ethan kept crawling across the paper so he was a disaster covered from top to toe in paint.
5:00pm: Dinner is done and waiting to go into the oven by 5:30 to be ready by 6pm
5:05pm: Have to vacuum, Ethan is scared of the noise and cries every time I disappear from view so we make a game of peek-a-boo out of it. He loves this and is laughing his silly little head off. Skylar, well I'm not sure what Skylar is doing. Painting the dog, my walls and perhaps some other things I'm sure.
5:30pm Time to clean up, scrub the floor, the kids, clean up the paint, blah blah blah, make the bed that hubby decided to leave unmade this morning. Change a diaper, take Skylar to pee.
6:00pm: "Honey I'm home!!!" In walks the hub, house is clean, kids are clean, a homemade (homemade people...need I say this again!) chicken potpie in the oven, the wonderful aroma's wafting through the air.
Now I tell you this story in great time-lined detail because, well because I am f******* amazing that's why. All Moms’ are amazing. We have ten arms, ten legs and can do anything and everything all at the same time, and not only that but all of our chores have a twist to include imaginative play and quality time with our kids. Give a man a pot and a kid at the same time and his whole system shuts down. Now I'm not saying there aren't men out there who are capable and do all of the wonderful things that Mothers do but...well maybe I am!
"What honey? You made dinner? And bathed the kids? Wow, you cleaned the house and even scrubbed the toilet!" One day folks, one day these words will leave my mouth, but for now, they along with Johnny Depp, remain but a mere fantasy.
4:00pm: I pick my munchkins up from daycare and we head home.
4:15pm: I start making dinner, a homemade, from scratch, crust and all (okay, okay so I cheated on the crust and bought pre-made pastry, so what??) chicken pot-pie. Skylar has her chair pulled up to the counter and she is helping me put stuff into things. Ethan is trying to chew on some celery, hmmm...yummy huh Buddy? Dogs are at my feet like vultures waiting for morsels to drop.
4:30pm: Dinner is making nice progress on the stove, kids are playing, Ethan with his cars on the floor, Skylar is painting. I bought her some new paintbrushes while I was out at the store yesterday and without thinking I announce when we are home "Look what Mommy got you today!" Of course she is going to want to paint, DUH! So yes, she was painting and making a huge mess, Ethan kept crawling across the paper so he was a disaster covered from top to toe in paint.
5:00pm: Dinner is done and waiting to go into the oven by 5:30 to be ready by 6pm
5:05pm: Have to vacuum, Ethan is scared of the noise and cries every time I disappear from view so we make a game of peek-a-boo out of it. He loves this and is laughing his silly little head off. Skylar, well I'm not sure what Skylar is doing. Painting the dog, my walls and perhaps some other things I'm sure.
5:30pm Time to clean up, scrub the floor, the kids, clean up the paint, blah blah blah, make the bed that hubby decided to leave unmade this morning. Change a diaper, take Skylar to pee.
6:00pm: "Honey I'm home!!!" In walks the hub, house is clean, kids are clean, a homemade (homemade people...need I say this again!) chicken potpie in the oven, the wonderful aroma's wafting through the air.
Now I tell you this story in great time-lined detail because, well because I am f******* amazing that's why. All Moms’ are amazing. We have ten arms, ten legs and can do anything and everything all at the same time, and not only that but all of our chores have a twist to include imaginative play and quality time with our kids. Give a man a pot and a kid at the same time and his whole system shuts down. Now I'm not saying there aren't men out there who are capable and do all of the wonderful things that Mothers do but...well maybe I am!
"What honey? You made dinner? And bathed the kids? Wow, you cleaned the house and even scrubbed the toilet!" One day folks, one day these words will leave my mouth, but for now, they along with Johnny Depp, remain but a mere fantasy.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Life, Death and Everything in Between
Sounds a little somber I know, but that's the mood today. Yesterday was a hard day for me, I'm not entirely sure why but my Mom was on my mind a lot yesterday. I guess now that I am a Mother with these two small people who rely on me for everything, I just cannot imagine being gone from them in the blink of an eye. I have always had bad thoughts right before I fall asleep at night, some induce panic attacks others set off a marathon of runs into the kids’ room to check on them. Whatever the beginning of the thoughts and whatever the outcome is, it happens all the time. I think I've realized that is has to do with some pretty significant events in my life. Well for one, waking up paralyzed just one day clear out of the blue, and for two waking up one morning and two hours later she was gone from my life forever. Well physically that is. My Mom is always on my mind and she will forever be a part of my life, a part of who I am and a part of the way I teach my kids and raise them.
Some of the process, the life, the death, the full circle thing, doesn't always seem fair does it? My fear these days is not so much dying, but dying and not being remembered. Especially by the two little people I gave life to. I try each day to bond more deeply with them, to try and establish things between us that are ours, little things, like things we might say to each other, or things that we do together. It's as if I spend every day trying to make a mark on their lives so that if something were to happen to me that they will have something to remember me by. It's crazy I know it is. I'm just afraid, I'm afraid that they will forever be left with the same questions that I continue to have today well into my adult life. The pain never goes away and I'm not sure it ever gets any easier either.
Speaking of things we do together, Skylar has now taken to moving the "snuggle time" from my bed to hers. So at night I climb into her tiny little toddler bed with her and we snuggle. I love it, I feel so close to her, she cozies into me and I can feel her relax. Love truly is a beautiful thing. To feel loved and to be able to love back is the most incredible human emotion in my opinion.
Well my little man had his birthday party, it was a huge success. My cake turned out wonderfully and I'm really chuffed with myself (for those of you who are wondering what "chuffed" means, it's a South African slang term we use which means "pleased"). Things went well, he loved his cake and while I didn't get to watch him eat most of it, I know he loved the icing and at one point when it was all gone he cried until someone gave him some more. That little guy...he is just so damn cute! He got very spoilt and loves all his new toys, so too does his Sister.
I cannot believe Ethan will be one tomorrow, it's kind of a sad day for me. I know that I am done having kids, or should I say, the hub is done having kids, so it's as if I'll never get to live these moments again. This is it, he's my last baby and he's getting big too fast.
Skylar and Ethan spent the day with G and G Robl on Monday instead of going to daycare, Grandpa and Skylar came to pick me up from work and she had a red, dirty face from playing outside. She was the picture of childhood. I love it.
Some of the process, the life, the death, the full circle thing, doesn't always seem fair does it? My fear these days is not so much dying, but dying and not being remembered. Especially by the two little people I gave life to. I try each day to bond more deeply with them, to try and establish things between us that are ours, little things, like things we might say to each other, or things that we do together. It's as if I spend every day trying to make a mark on their lives so that if something were to happen to me that they will have something to remember me by. It's crazy I know it is. I'm just afraid, I'm afraid that they will forever be left with the same questions that I continue to have today well into my adult life. The pain never goes away and I'm not sure it ever gets any easier either.
Speaking of things we do together, Skylar has now taken to moving the "snuggle time" from my bed to hers. So at night I climb into her tiny little toddler bed with her and we snuggle. I love it, I feel so close to her, she cozies into me and I can feel her relax. Love truly is a beautiful thing. To feel loved and to be able to love back is the most incredible human emotion in my opinion.
Well my little man had his birthday party, it was a huge success. My cake turned out wonderfully and I'm really chuffed with myself (for those of you who are wondering what "chuffed" means, it's a South African slang term we use which means "pleased"). Things went well, he loved his cake and while I didn't get to watch him eat most of it, I know he loved the icing and at one point when it was all gone he cried until someone gave him some more. That little guy...he is just so damn cute! He got very spoilt and loves all his new toys, so too does his Sister.
I cannot believe Ethan will be one tomorrow, it's kind of a sad day for me. I know that I am done having kids, or should I say, the hub is done having kids, so it's as if I'll never get to live these moments again. This is it, he's my last baby and he's getting big too fast.
Skylar and Ethan spent the day with G and G Robl on Monday instead of going to daycare, Grandpa and Skylar came to pick me up from work and she had a red, dirty face from playing outside. She was the picture of childhood. I love it.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Snow?? Seriously??
I took a half day yesterday to leave work at 10:30am, yes I work that early that 10:30am is considered a half day, Hub dropped the kids off here and off we went for a day of fun in the park with Jack and his Mommy. Picnic and play in the sun, what a perfect day. The kids had a lot of fun, laughing and playing. I even managed to get a little farmers tan on the one arm as far as the sleeve. Gotta love the half arm t-shirt tan!! And then I wake up this morning...and this, snow? Seriously? Will this ever end?
Arghh, I know, I know, it's good for the environment blah blah blah. And I mean that in a caring kind of blah blah blah way, honestly I do. It's just that, well it's just that I'm really over the snow and I just want the sun to be here, warm sunny afternoons and evenings on the patio. The kind of afternoons we had on Tuesday, ones where the kids are outside and I quick run inside to get something and I come back out and Skylar is stripped to T-shirt alone sitting in the sandbox with no pants on. Why? I'm not sure, perhaps the sand in the butt directly is better than the sand in the butt via the undies. I'm not sure of the reasoning behind it really. It's three year old reasoning, who ever knows the answers to that kind of thing?
At the park yesterday I tell her it's time to go, she holds up her one finger and says "just a minute Mommy". I have to laugh at it. The things she says are hysterical. Like last night for example, Ethan had a rather messy diaper whilst in his highchair, Ethan got the extended arm hold out of there straight to the tub, Skylar gets down from her seat walks over to inspect the carnage and exclaims loudly "Oh my God!". Of course she hears us saying this, we try not to, and of course I tried to tell her that it's not nice to say things like that and she's not allowed to. But really it's incredibly hard to keep a straight face and be stern when the picture of the whole thing is just so funny. Her face, the way she said it, the sheer disgust of it all was just too dang classic.
Ethan is starting to talk a lot more now but still doesn't say Mamma very much. I'm beginning to think he would better know what to call me if I renamed myself to the title of Booby. He might have some association this way. Since the boy is addicted to nursing and I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be able to wean him at all. I've stopped pumping at work, which allows me an extra 15 minutes out of my 30 minute lunch to chew my food, it's been nice. But since he isn't having pumped milk at daycare, he seems to have doubled his need to nurse when I'm around. I love to nurse him, and I love to feel him close to me, the way he looks up at me, it's truly an amazing bonding experience no matter what stage we are at with it. But it's time to move on, but I'm thinking this is going to be a tough one, perhaps for both of us.
Arghh, I know, I know, it's good for the environment blah blah blah. And I mean that in a caring kind of blah blah blah way, honestly I do. It's just that, well it's just that I'm really over the snow and I just want the sun to be here, warm sunny afternoons and evenings on the patio. The kind of afternoons we had on Tuesday, ones where the kids are outside and I quick run inside to get something and I come back out and Skylar is stripped to T-shirt alone sitting in the sandbox with no pants on. Why? I'm not sure, perhaps the sand in the butt directly is better than the sand in the butt via the undies. I'm not sure of the reasoning behind it really. It's three year old reasoning, who ever knows the answers to that kind of thing?
At the park yesterday I tell her it's time to go, she holds up her one finger and says "just a minute Mommy". I have to laugh at it. The things she says are hysterical. Like last night for example, Ethan had a rather messy diaper whilst in his highchair, Ethan got the extended arm hold out of there straight to the tub, Skylar gets down from her seat walks over to inspect the carnage and exclaims loudly "Oh my God!". Of course she hears us saying this, we try not to, and of course I tried to tell her that it's not nice to say things like that and she's not allowed to. But really it's incredibly hard to keep a straight face and be stern when the picture of the whole thing is just so funny. Her face, the way she said it, the sheer disgust of it all was just too dang classic.
Ethan is starting to talk a lot more now but still doesn't say Mamma very much. I'm beginning to think he would better know what to call me if I renamed myself to the title of Booby. He might have some association this way. Since the boy is addicted to nursing and I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be able to wean him at all. I've stopped pumping at work, which allows me an extra 15 minutes out of my 30 minute lunch to chew my food, it's been nice. But since he isn't having pumped milk at daycare, he seems to have doubled his need to nurse when I'm around. I love to nurse him, and I love to feel him close to me, the way he looks up at me, it's truly an amazing bonding experience no matter what stage we are at with it. But it's time to move on, but I'm thinking this is going to be a tough one, perhaps for both of us.
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